


Memoriam

by rowdyhooligan



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, Light Angst, Loosely Canon Compliant, shameless fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-16 08:00:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18687397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rowdyhooligan/pseuds/rowdyhooligan
Summary: With Thanos defeated and the day saved, a celebration is in order. However, some losses are too great to bear, and Thor is having a hard time wrestling with his demons.





	Memoriam

**Author's Note:**

> cross posted from tumblr- so I know I’m not the only Thor fan to leave the theater deep in my feels, so here we go

Sipping from your glass, you half-listened to the chatter around you, your attention focused on your lover. He put on a brave face, smiling and laughing at all the right moments, but you saw beneath the mask he wore. There was no missing the tightness of his smile, or the hollow look in his eyes. He drifted through the large gathering of friends and allies, making sure no one was missed, but the strain of pretending was beginning to show. 

You weren’t surprised when he disappeared from the room, slipping out a side door, unnoticed by all but you and one other. Locking eyes with Brunnhilde, you shared an understanding look; she nodded, calling the attention of those surrounding you, giving you the perfect opportunity to escape.

The party had, surprisingly, been Bruce’s idea. After Tony narrowly escaped death from using the Stones, Bruce suggested what everyone needed was a way to relax and rejoice, to celebrate the return of all those taken in the wake of Thanos’ snap. Well…almost all. There were some who couldn’t be brought back, time travel or not. On his return to the present, Thor told you of his encounter with his dearly loved mother, how he was forced to say goodbye yet again. The hitch in his voice, his utter look of loss- it broke your heart.

You saw no sign of him, but had a fair idea of where he might be headed. Making your way down to the lake, you followed the shoreline far from the noise and crowds spilling out of Tony’s small cabin home. There he sat, perched on a tree stump, his broad back to you. Your sneaker clad feet didn’t make a sound as  you padded across the dirt, but Thor seemed to sense your presence, turning to face you with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“My love.”

He held out a hand, his calloused fingers engulfing yours to pull you closer. You went willingly, circling around the stump to stand before him, brushing a lock of hair behind his ear. Thor pressed a soft kiss to your palm, entwining your fingers together. Leaning forward, he rested his forehead against your stomach, humming when you began carding the fingers of your free hand through his hair.

“We should return before we’re missed,” he said, the reluctance clear in his tone.

“Brunnhilde is keeping them distracted,” you assured him, “she’s in her element- it’ll be alright if we stay here a bit longer.”

This was a side of Thor others rarely saw, the vulnerability beneath the heavy mantle of king and god. Even when he’d lost his way, hiding away from his people and responsibilities in that ramshackle hut, he hid behind a jovial mask and chronic drunkenness, unwilling to share the extent of his grief and guilt.

“You’re sad,” you murmured, leaving no room for argument.

“It still seems a dream, sometimes,” he admitted, words soft and heavy with grief, “a nightmare that I can’t wake from. It’s hard to believe I shall never see her, or hear her voice in this world again. That she won’t hold her grandchildren.”

“Oh, Thor…”

“Even now, I still wonder if I could have saved her- had I been faster, realized sooner where the Kursed was headed, I could have-”

“Thor,” you interrupted harshly, tilting his head up to look him in the eyes. It broke your heart anew to see the sorrow in them, rimmed in red. “What happened to your mother wasn’t your fault. She was brave and courageous, a warrior who chose to fight for and defend her home. Now, I may not have known her, but I do know that she wouldn’t want you to blame yourself for her death.”

He gave you a weak smile, not entirely convinced.

You continued, “And although you may be parted in this life, you’ll see her again in the next, in the halls of Valhalla. Death isn’t the end, Thor, and I know that when she sees everything you’ve accomplished- the man you’ve become- she’ll be as proud of you as I am.”

His smile was more genuine this time. He tugged you into his lap, wrapping his arms around your middle. Curling into his warmth, you sat in silence for a few minutes, far from the noise and bustle of the party. The steady thump of his heart was a lullaby, the rhythmic sound of his breathing comforting.

“She would have loved you,” he said suddenly.

“I wish I could have met her,” you replied honestly, “if only to hear all the embarrassing stories mothers love to tell about their children.”

He chuckled, the sound music to your ears. “Oh, she would have plenty of those. I was a bit of a troublemaker in my youth, if you’ll believe it.”  
  


“Why is that not surprising,” you teased, “I bet she had her hands full with you.”

“I certainly kept things lively around the palace, though I was hardly alone in my exploits. Much of the time, Loki was right there egging me on.”

“It’s a miracle the two of you reached adulthood.”

“Ah well, that’s brothers for you, I suppose.” His smile faded a little, the look on his face growing contemplative. “Those were good days, with the world at our feet and our futures ahead of us.”

Unwilling to let him fall into another melancholy, you turned him to face you, placing a quick kiss to his forehead. “The future is still ahead of you, baby. It’s there for you to seize and take control of.”

His eyes crinkled at the corners, his smile returning. Bringing your hand up to press a whiskery kiss to the back of it, he searched your face. “When I look to the future, there is only one thing I see. Only one thing I need.”

“And what’s that?”

“You, my love.”

“Charmer.”

“I mean it,” he insisted, expression turning serious. “You believed in me when I lost faith in myself, stood by me during my darkest days. I…I don’t know if I could have survived without you, if the weight of it all wouldn’t just crush me.”

“Thor…”

“I owe my future to you, and I wish to share it with you, if you will have me.”

Stunned, you weren’t sure how to react, what to say. You loved Thor, deeply, wholly, and without reservation. But a future together was never something you sat down and discussed, the past few years too chaotic to even think of something permanent. Happy to have him in whatever way you could, you never let yourself dream of anything more. It never really seemed like a possibility…until now.

“I understand if this is sudden,” he continued, “we’ve never talked about a future- or a family- but you must know how much I love you, how much I adore you and don’t want to go another day without you by my side as my wife.”

“Thor, I- this is- holy shit-”

“…not the answer I was hoping for.” Holding tight to your hands, he stared deep into your eyes, into your soul. “You don’t need to answer right now, my love, take your time if you need it-”

“Yes.”

“- and I’ll wait- what did you just say?”

“Yes,” you managed to get out, voice hitching in your throat. Tears burned at the back of your eyes, a watery laugh bubbling free. “I love you, you idiot, of course I’ll marry you.”

The smile that lit up his face was one you hadn’t seen in five long years, joyous and radiant and so full of love your heart ached. Thor crushed you to him, pulling you in for a fierce kiss. Pouring the depth of his love and devotion into it, he left you lightheaded and breathless. Cheeks wet with tears- his or your own, you couldn’t tell- you couldn’t stop smiling, love drunk and dizzy with it. Again and again you kissed, unable to get enough of each other, afraid it might all be a dream.

“I wanted to ask you before…before everything…but there was never a right time. And after, I was so ashamed and sure I didn’t deserve your love.”

“That’s ridiculous,” you chastised gently, wiping away his tears and yours, “I always loved you, Thor, and I always will. Nothing will change that.”

Resting his forehead against yours, he murmured his love for you like a prayer, honey sweet words you couldn’t get enough of. Cradling his cheek, you pressed a lingering kiss to his lips, telling him without words how much you loved him. Winding your arms around his middle, you cuddled into his soft belly, wanting to stay in this moment forever.

“I have something for you,” he said suddenly, shifting you in his lap.

Reaching into his pocket, Thor pulled a thin length of cloth free. Curious, you watched as he unfurled it to reveal a beautiful pattern. Clearly the work of a master, the cloth was adorned with intricate knots and decorations, gold and silver threads catching in the sunlight. You could only imagine how long it must have taken to weave, every stitch imbued with the dedication and love of the weaver.

“Well, for us, I should say,” Thor went on, “a gift, from my mother. On Asgard, the cloth is wrapped around the joined hands of those to be married, binding them together. She wove one for each of us, Loki and I, for the day we would find the one we wished to share our lives with. I thought it destroyed with Asgard, but when I went back for the Aether, she told me to take it with me.”

Afraid to touch it lest you snag the fine threads, your fingers hovered over the delicate knotwork. “It’s beautiful.”

“As are you.”

“Charmer,” you teased again, blushing at the compliment nonetheless.

“I mean it, my love,” he insisted, eyes full of sincerity, “from the moment we met, you were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen, and your beauty has only grown since.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere, you know.”

“So long as it gets me by your side, that’s all I need.”

Kissing him slow and sweet, you lost yourselves in each other, ignoring the sounds of the party in the distance. As long as you had each other, there was hope and love and promise. Nothing could return what had been taken from him, or change what was. But despite how unkind Fate had been, you were free to forge your own destinies, and shape your futures to something better, brighter. There were bound to be bad days of course, but you would face them together. Always together.


End file.
